Ok to keep things short I plan to marry in January, I have been going out with my gorgeous girlfriend now for 7 or 8 years and we have been engaged for around 2 or so years. The wedding will be in HK and currently we reside in the UK. due to her side in HK being more traditional etc this wedding will not be cheap and well, I have to pay for it all with her side not paying a thing except pocketing the red pocket money at the end. My question to you PA members is.... does anyone plan to get married in HK / China or any other Asian country to fit in with the old traditions or will you marry in the country you were born. Obviously the costs of older traditions is not cheap with dowry's ranging from next to nothing to stupid money. £10k UK GBP which is around $17k USD is not my idea of a cheap dowry when the wedding will cost me many times over. Then you have the coconuts and pre wedding gifts ranging from £2k onwards etc. Are members of PA more westernised where the costs are 50/50 and the wedded couple are not let with a hefty bill at the end? or do you want the "moon on a stick" for your wedding?
Perhaps you need to find a different girl that doesn't mind not having one of those traditional weddings. Perhaps you need to find a girl that can find a more practical way use of that money - like, putting into a home or an investment home. Both of you are building your lives together, it's only appropriate to start planning for your family (kids, college fund) and retirement. Just a thought ...
Did you both talked about it? The red pocket money did pay most of my wedding party...but I made it really small, only family and few friends! I did pay the whole wedding but it was in my town since I don't have a lot of relative in HK. I guess its different for you but as being married for 4 years...I wouldnt bother to pay whole wedding because after having a family there is no more your money or my money its our money!
from what i know..usually u and ur fiance pay for the whole wedding banquet and gets to keep the red envelopes money and gifts. depends on how much money u get from the red envelopes, usually its around the price of the wedding. my brother actually got more money from the envelopes than his whole wedding cost.
It doesn't matter to me, you have to think it's "our" money not "my" money anymore. If you rant that you are paying alone the wedding then you have to ask yourself if you really love her. I don't mind paying even when I'm not rich, I just give everything to my girlfriend, I ask nothing in return because I love her. I feel more happy to buy things for her and I don't like when she buy expensive stuff for me.
I always get a kick out of reading these cultural "sticker shock" threads because it reminds me so much of my own wedding in HK way back in '91. I lived in NYC and wound up marrying in HK, and IIRC, other than paying rent, food and taxes in NY, the rest of the money (110K) I made that year all went to the wedding. It's hard to put a financial calculus on 'true' love. But, being that the OP has already invested a goodly portion of his life (nearly a decade) into this relationship, then what the heck?. It's only money. His time and youth is probably a lot more valuable. Pay it and get it over with; enjoy the wedding and the giving of good face to your wife's relatives. If she's good enough for you to marry, then don't short change her. If the money is that much more important than she is? Well, guess what? Dude, you've been with the wrong gal for all these years.
